I’m the kind of person you get to feel comfortable with dishing out those pieces of information you tag “personal,” but this particular incident was ridiculously confusing.
***
So, it’s on a Wednesday evening that I walk into this gigantic luxury showroom for all kinds of home and office interiors.
I am actually on my way to a meeting scheduled for 4.30 pm but since it’s not even 4 pm yet, and I am now only about a pole away from my destination, I decide to do a quick stop at this outlet to check out a piece of furniture l had been considering for purchase.
First step in and I’m dazed at how void of anyone this space of elegance is, I quickly scan and can see such expensive goods ideally displayed.
“These guys need to be on top of their marketing game,” I think.
Man: young lady, welcome.
My thoughts come to a sudden halt and my eyes swing left to catch a dark man in his mid-forties, decently dressed, with a general appearance of “I am in the middle-class of life,” sitting across an office desk.
Apparently, he’s got to be the one I speak to, so I gravitate toward him.
As I approach him, his eyes are fixed on me with a kind of expression I cannot place- a kind that I do not expect from a vendor who is happy to receive a customer.
Me: Good day, sir.
Man: Welcome.
Me: Please I’d like to see your visitors’ seats.
He continues to stare. I am about to say again before he interrupts.
Man: Any other thing?
Me (surprised but still calm): Nope.
His countenance suddenly lightens as he swirls on his seat and lays back.
Man: I thought you were a lawyer o!
Now, I’ve gotten remarks about being a lawyer a good number of times, especially when I’m corporately dressed in one of my favorite colors- black. But on this day, my outfit is nowhere suggestive of a lawyer; I’m even putting on a pair of jeans.
Me: Why?
That was it. Storytime!
Man begins with the story of how a certain customer was very dissatisfied when the sofa set he had ordered finally arrived at the showroom sometime last week, and how the incident progressed till today when he got a call from the customer notifying him that his lawyer was coming to serve the outlet a court order.
Me: That’s uncalled for though (I mean, what more can I say, this is only a side to the story.)
He pulls out his phone from his pocket quickly punches at it, searches out the profile picture on his Whatsapp, and holds his screen to my face.
Man: look at the man doing this nonsense, just look at his face. Let him come. The company lawyer will serve him his letter too!
Me: Hmmm… Naija. Eh, please can I see the seats?
Man: oh, my dear! Come, let me show you the ones we have.
We begin to amble around.
This massive showroom is decked with a variety of deluxe furniture, interiors, electronics, and just every beautiful embellishment that would make your home or office pop. Only that there are supposed to be human beings inside buying or at least having a look!
As we walk up the staircase, I realize that what is on the ground floor is no comparison to what I see upstairs.
I am all for feeding my eyes while searching for the piece of furniture I need. However, my attention is divided because this man doesn’t stop, one story after the other.
Now he is telling about how two co-tenants at his former residence were at war with themselves over a generator, and how each of them ended up paying N4500 (about $9) to the policeman one of them had called to arrest the other.
Thankfully, a call suddenly comes through his phone.
He glances at the caller and shakes his head disdainfully. I exhale, knowing I am in for another tale by eventide.
He doesn’t waste any time in narrating how the caller is his colleague, and how he once asked this caller to lend him 5000 Naira (about $10) some time ago, only to be toyed with.
Man: Now he has been calling me since last week Friday, begging me to send him 5000 Naira to treat himself because he is ill. Where did I keep 5000 Naira to give him?
In my mind, I rehearse telling him to shut the hell up. But I keep mute, eyes fixed on a beautiful sculpture of a woman in a racing position.
He continues with how his wife and kids live in a different state and how all expenses he made were now in twos because according to him, “if I buy toothpaste, I will buy for them, if I buy a tin of milk here, I also send money for their own there. Everything is now double-double.”
Although I am staring at him at the moment, I am more interested in noticing the furrows on his forehead relaxing and contrasting quickly as he speaks.
Man: I have told him I don’t have money, period! He better stop calling me.
Me: Hmmm the country is tough… So, I see you don’t have the seat, but you have nice items. I’d come by if I need any of them.
I didn’t finish that statement before I start making my way back down the stairs.
He begins to follow.
Man: Oh… which type of seat do you want exactly?
I look over my shoulders in awe, resisting the urge to turn fully to him because I’m afraid I might say or do something very awful. I comport myself and rumble a few words about what I need while walking.
Man: Okay! I don’t think we have that one now my dear.
I do not know whether to laugh scornfully or express my surprise at those words. I am hungry to give him a resetting slap.
By now, we are approaching the entrance, and I am honestly proud of how I’ve managed this situation respectfully. I’m most glad it’s over too!
Man: My dear, please, I would like to get your number (his face arching into a smile.)
I didn’t hear that.
Me: I will probably come back for this guy.
I say, gazing down at the artifact displayed on the stool close to me.
Man: Okay, this one is a classic piece.
I nod, agreeing.
Just at the exit, I turn to get one last glance at this man.
Man: Do you see those rods over there?
He points toward a corner where some building materials are. But, I am already past my limits.
Me (interrupting him quickly): I am already late for–
His phone rings with that annoyingly sonorous tone.
Man: Sorry it’s my boss let me answer him.
Me: Please do!
He takes the call and I sprint away, gesturing to him that I am totally out of time.
Man (whispering): no please, wait small.
I am already some steps away.
Man (yelling): are you coming back?
I didn’t hear that. I keep moving very fast.
***
While I walked away that day, it was a mixed feeling of offense and amazement.
What exactly was the scenario there? was he overwhelmed by distress? Or was he just plain daft?
At first, I could have guessed he was hitting on me until he mentioned how broke he was and found it hard to feed his family.
Oh no! I can still see those beautiful items sitting around the showroom and I wonder, what the heck is that man doing there? How can anything be sold?
May we not hire fellows that will kill our businesses!
